Wednesday, September 7, 2011
a very full month!!!
it has been a very full month!!! school started on august 8th and escrow closed on august 10th! it has been a long process, but i love my new place. i still can't help feel like its a bit more "house" than i need. everything else is absolutely perfect! i have a feeling i will be here for a VERY long time! :)
Monday, July 11, 2011
God's provision
when i moved into my apartment a year and a half ago, i had no intentions of moving for at least the next 4-5 years. i loved my apartment and i wanted to stay put....another big transition was the last thing i wanted to do or even think about. in january, when my year lease was up, i was challenged by several friends to consider purchasing a home. i did my research and found that if i purchased a unit similar to what i am living in now, i would be saving over $300 a month! with much hesitation, i extended my lease for 6 months and moved forward with the search for a new home.
after much prayer, research, evaluation, pros and cons lists, conversations with friends, i decided that i was going to purchase a condo....not just any condo...i narrowed it down to the sonata community in the canyon crest area...preferably a two-bedroom, upstairs unit. so for the past several months, i have been on a roller-coaster with units coming on and off the market. with my lease ending on july 31st and with no offers being accepted, i was planning on going on a month-to-month contract with my apartment....which made me cringe every time i thought about how much i was going to be wasting with each month passing.
saving all the details in between, last wednesday a two-bedroom upstairs unit came on the market. with work all day and meetings afterwards, i was not able to see the unit until 9pm that night. i made the decision to put in my offer at 11pm, my agent drew up the offer, i signed at midnight, he submitted the offer the next morning, by 2pm we received a counter-offer, at about 7pm i accepted the counter offer, and escrow opened friday morning!!!! that was nuts!
here's what i left out:
-there were 7 offers in by the time i submitted my offer!
-my agent put a close date of july 29 (21 days) and this is the reason why they chose my offer! all others were either cash offers or had bigger down payments
-the counter offer stated that if escrow does not close by july 29, i would agree to pay a per diem of $80 per day (thats how much it costs the sellers each day they are in possession of the unit)
-without me asking, my lender and agent volunteered to split that per diem with me, should we have to close later than july 29!
-the new school year starts aug 8, so this allows me time to move in without having to take time off of work to do so.
i am ashamed to say that i doubted God's provision for me through the process. the timing, the location, the amenities, upgrades are amazing. my countless hours of stress and lack of sleep were definitely not necessary. when will i ever learn?
after much prayer, research, evaluation, pros and cons lists, conversations with friends, i decided that i was going to purchase a condo....not just any condo...i narrowed it down to the sonata community in the canyon crest area...preferably a two-bedroom, upstairs unit. so for the past several months, i have been on a roller-coaster with units coming on and off the market. with my lease ending on july 31st and with no offers being accepted, i was planning on going on a month-to-month contract with my apartment....which made me cringe every time i thought about how much i was going to be wasting with each month passing.
saving all the details in between, last wednesday a two-bedroom upstairs unit came on the market. with work all day and meetings afterwards, i was not able to see the unit until 9pm that night. i made the decision to put in my offer at 11pm, my agent drew up the offer, i signed at midnight, he submitted the offer the next morning, by 2pm we received a counter-offer, at about 7pm i accepted the counter offer, and escrow opened friday morning!!!! that was nuts!
here's what i left out:
-there were 7 offers in by the time i submitted my offer!
-my agent put a close date of july 29 (21 days) and this is the reason why they chose my offer! all others were either cash offers or had bigger down payments
-the counter offer stated that if escrow does not close by july 29, i would agree to pay a per diem of $80 per day (thats how much it costs the sellers each day they are in possession of the unit)
-without me asking, my lender and agent volunteered to split that per diem with me, should we have to close later than july 29!
-the new school year starts aug 8, so this allows me time to move in without having to take time off of work to do so.
i am ashamed to say that i doubted God's provision for me through the process. the timing, the location, the amenities, upgrades are amazing. my countless hours of stress and lack of sleep were definitely not necessary. when will i ever learn?
Thursday, July 7, 2011
beautiful things
a couple of months ago, i stepped into the role of women's events co-coordinator at the church. it has been a big learning curve for me, but i feel like it is and can be such a great fit for me. i'm not quite in a place where i feel like i can be directly leading other women at the church yet, so the administrative (my sp gift) side of this job is giving me life.
tomorrow evening the women's ministry at sandals is hosting a women's gathering titled, "beautiful things," themed after the song by gungor. i was first introduced to this song, half a year ago at my leader's meeting. this song has since given me so much hope as i came out of such a dark year.
here are the lyrics of the song:
All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
in march, my minister asked me to consider sharing at this event. though i declined the offer, i was so humbled and so moved that someone had recognized the beauty out of "my dust." God has really used my community to speak this truth to me, when i cannot recognize it myself. since then, each time i listen to the song, there is a knot of mixed emotions welled up inside me. i'm not quite sure what that "knot" all consists of, but i know that it is filled with gratefulness, thankfulness, and hope. i still struggle with thinking that God really can make something beautiful out of me. i constantly and intentionally have to throw off the shame, guilt, and lies that get thrown at me.
last night, we had rehearsals for the gathering tomorrow. as i sat and listened to the other women share, tears ran down my face....i was moved by their stories, but even more so, it was confirmation that i am not alone in my journey. i am truly in awe of the transformation that God takes us through. we are all broken......i am broken, but God's intention is to use that brokenness, if i would just allow him to.
for those that are reading, i would love it if you could join us tomorrow night. i know its last minute, but it will be such a powerful evening! there is more information on the Sandals Church Women's Ministry page.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
ACA
i struggle with most, if not all, of these on a regular basis. thankful for Christ's redeeming power!
The Laundry List – 14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic
1. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
2. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
3. We are frightened of angry people and any personal criticism.
4. We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
5. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
6. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
7. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
8. We became addicted to excitement.
9. We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity" and "rescue."
10. We have "stuffed" our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).
11. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
12. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
13. Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
14. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.
The Laundry List – 14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic
1. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
2. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
3. We are frightened of angry people and any personal criticism.
4. We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
5. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
6. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
7. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
8. We became addicted to excitement.
9. We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity" and "rescue."
10. We have "stuffed" our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).
11. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
12. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
13. Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
14. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
new ink
in april of 2008, i wrote a blog entry titled, "daughter of the king," last december i got this (on my left shoulder)....
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
today
i've had several of you ask after my post 2 days ago about how i am doing now. today, i am doing great! the last 8 months have been great. i have had to rediscover who i am personally, professionally, as a daughter of the most High, what community truly means, and what my values and priorities are. God has brought amazing people into my life to help me figure some of this out. i am beyond blessed and am extremely humbled. today, i live in more freedom and joy than i've had before.
thank you to all those who have been patient and have given me grace. i wish i was a better communicator of how i feel and where i'm at. many of you, i have not been in touch with since i've been back in the states. many of you, i haven't been in touch with since last october. please know, that this is not because of anything you have done.....just part of the journey that God has me on.
thank you to all those who have been patient and have given me grace. i wish i was a better communicator of how i feel and where i'm at. many of you, i have not been in touch with since i've been back in the states. many of you, i haven't been in touch with since last october. please know, that this is not because of anything you have done.....just part of the journey that God has me on.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Obadiah
last week, i bought a new study bible, the new inductive study bible, by kay arthur. my wonderful friend, lisa, recommended this bible. i've never been a good study-er of the bible...studying is not my thing! :) ha. let me rephrase that...i am not confident in my ability to study the bible and have heavily depended on commentaries and other resourcs that feed me "what to think." so after purchasing the bible last week, lisa and i decided to study the minor prophet obadiah....i know....a little random....not sure if i have ever even opened up to obadiah before (i usually stop my "bible through a year" plan before obadiah :( ). it has been such a good challenge for me. the tools at the beginning of the book do a great job of guiding the reader to discover "themes" in the book. as a teacher, myself, i am appreciating this process and seeing how powerful self-discovery is, rather than being told what i should learn.
today, i am reflecting this question: how do i respond when things don't go the way i think they should?
today, i am reflecting this question: how do i respond when things don't go the way i think they should?
Monday, June 20, 2011
two years later
Its been over two years since my last blog post....in fact, I don't think I've come back to my blog since I have been back in the states almost 2 years ago. I'm teaching a "cyber" class this summer, and am extremely bored. With nothing to do, I remembered my blog. It's crazy....I didn't even remember how to post a blog on here! I read through all my posts and for some reason, I have knots in my stomach.
It has been quite the transition home for me. The first year and a half threw me for a loop and put me in places I never thought I would be. More difficult than I'd like to admit. Lonelier than I ever would have imagined. Confused, uncertain, fearful, depressed. Regrets, new beginnings, growth, forgiveness, grace. Extreme lows and highs. I have just scattered thoughts.
This will be good for me. Maybe in the next three weeks, I will attempt to blog about this "transition." I'm thinking it will be therapeutic for me.
Wanting so much to be fully alive!
It has been quite the transition home for me. The first year and a half threw me for a loop and put me in places I never thought I would be. More difficult than I'd like to admit. Lonelier than I ever would have imagined. Confused, uncertain, fearful, depressed. Regrets, new beginnings, growth, forgiveness, grace. Extreme lows and highs. I have just scattered thoughts.
This will be good for me. Maybe in the next three weeks, I will attempt to blog about this "transition." I'm thinking it will be therapeutic for me.
Wanting so much to be fully alive!
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