ACA

i struggle with most, if not all, of these on a regular basis. thankful for Christ's redeeming power!

The Laundry List – 14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic

1. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.

2. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.

3. We are frightened of angry people and any personal criticism.

4. We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.

5. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.

6. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.

7. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.

8. We became addicted to excitement.

9. We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity" and "rescue."

10. We have "stuffed" our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).

11. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.

12. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.

13. Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.

14. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.

new ink

in april of 2008, i wrote a blog entry titled, "daughter of the king," last december i got this (on my left shoulder)....

today

i've had several of you ask after my post 2 days ago about how i am doing now. today, i am doing great! the last 8 months have been great. i have had to rediscover who i am personally, professionally, as a daughter of the most High, what community truly means, and what my values and priorities are. God has brought amazing people into my life to help me figure some of this out. i am beyond blessed and am extremely humbled. today, i live in more freedom and joy than i've had before.

thank you to all those who have been patient and have given me grace. i wish i was a better communicator of how i feel and where i'm at. many of you, i have not been in touch with since i've been back in the states. many of you, i haven't been in touch with since last october. please know, that this is not because of anything you have done.....just part of the journey that God has me on.

Obadiah

last week, i bought a new study bible, the new inductive study bible, by kay arthur. my wonderful friend, lisa, recommended this bible. i've never been a good study-er of the bible...studying is not my thing! :) ha. let me rephrase that...i am not confident in my ability to study the bible and have heavily depended on commentaries and other resourcs that feed me "what to think." so after purchasing the bible last week, lisa and i decided to study the minor prophet obadiah....i know....a little random....not sure if i have ever even opened up to obadiah before (i usually stop my "bible through a year" plan before obadiah :( ). it has been such a good challenge for me. the tools at the beginning of the book do a great job of guiding the reader to discover "themes" in the book. as a teacher, myself, i am appreciating this process and seeing how powerful self-discovery is, rather than being told what i should learn.

today, i am reflecting this question: how do i respond when things don't go the way i think they should?

two years later

Its been over two years since my last blog post....in fact, I don't think I've come back to my blog since I have been back in the states almost 2 years ago. I'm teaching a "cyber" class this summer, and am extremely bored. With nothing to do, I remembered my blog. It's crazy....I didn't even remember how to post a blog on here! I read through all my posts and for some reason, I have knots in my stomach.

It has been quite the transition home for me. The first year and a half threw me for a loop and put me in places I never thought I would be. More difficult than I'd like to admit. Lonelier than I ever would have imagined. Confused, uncertain, fearful, depressed. Regrets, new beginnings, growth, forgiveness, grace. Extreme lows and highs. I have just scattered thoughts.

This will be good for me. Maybe in the next three weeks, I will attempt to blog about this "transition." I'm thinking it will be therapeutic for me.

Wanting so much to be fully alive!